Whew! What a summer! I am so glad for Fall and the routine it brings with it!  I am looking so forward to football, boots, orange leaves, fires in the fireplace, fairytale pumpkins and walks on chilly days!!!

I have had a couple of life-changing experiences lately that I wanted to share with you.  I have been reading a book series by Lynn Austin called Chronicles of the Kings.  It is five books based on the lives of King Ahaz,  King Hezekiah and his successor, Manasseh, his son.  I don't know about you, but whenever I spend any time in Chronicles or Kings, I am clueless.  One king is bad, the next one is good, the next one is evil, the next one follows God and so on.  Austin follows the scripture carefully as she weaves the fictional part of the story. She quotes pages and pages of scripture and all of the action happens chronologically. Isaiah and Micah share their prophecies with the Kings throughout the story.  I have always loved the book of Isaiah but never really knew where it fit in.  Now, it all makes sense and the Bible is more alive to me than ever before! The stories in the Bible are way more captivating than anything we could ever see on TV or at the movies.  If you love stories with romance, war, violence, and dysfunctional relationships, then the Bible is for you!!

I was talking with my dear friend, Doris, last week. She is my new best friend at Sav-A-Life.   She suggested that I get a Chronological Bible so that I could read the Bible in historical order.  All the details, all the discussion, all the Scripture, all the events in order as it happened!  So, I went to Amazon immediately and ordered a New Kings James Version Chronological Study Bible and a New Living Translation One Year Chronological Bible.  It is like reading the Bible with fresh eyes and it has been amazing! God is so good to us to reveal Himself to us in new ways.

My daughter-in-law, Ashley and my husband, Rusty are on book one of the series and they love it.  My daughter, Mary Margaret, has finished the series and we were talking about it the other day.  These books have had a dramatic impact on her walk with Lord.  I am so thankful for good Christian authors. If you liked the Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers, you will love Austin's books. It is very similar. Really, you will love Chronicles of the Kings, no matter what! A life lived for the Lord is just so sweet and such a joyful adventure.  To God be all the Glory!

"But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." Psalm 86:15

I pray that God will reveal Himself to you in new and exciting ways this week!

Everything You Need to Know about Parenting!

The Lord put some wonderful things on Connie's heart to share with the group today.  Connie has one of the most precious hearts of anyone I have ever known.  We are all so blessed to call her friend.

Connie began her talk today with a wonderful quote from Parenting Today's Adolescents by Dennis and Barbara Rainey: (one of the best books ever, you need it in your library!)

"Every child should be helped to understand that life is a dynamic relationship with God that overflows in love to other people-a love that the Holy Spirit uses to reconcile the lost to God. EVERYTHING else, as good or innocuous as it may be, is only a prop to facilitating this mission. "

Connie reminded us that we are on a mission as a parent.  Our children are our mission field. Even the angels must envy the job we have as parents-the stewardship of a child's soul. It is an amazing calling, indeed.

If we can provide a godly environment in our homes, then our children will have a better foundation to grow in wisdom and godliness even though the world around them is crumbling morally.  Connie suggested setting biblical goals for your children.  Some examples would be helping them memorize short verses of scripture or responding to them and to your circumstances with timely scripture.  You may want to help them memorize the books of the Bible. There is a song for that, I think. You may want to spend a season discussing the Fruits of the Spirit or the Sermon on the Mount or the Book of James.  Whatever goals you set, pray those goals over them and for them.  Your home should be a little mini seminary!

We also discussed our greatest fears concerning our children.  God did not bless your quiver so you could walk around crying and trembling. Fear , my dears, is from your enemy. Fear is evil because it shows that we don't trust God completely in that area.  Connie shared that she had to mentally imagine some of her worst fears coming true to be set free from fear. Look your fear in the face and place the cross of Christ in front of it and it will cease to have dominion over you.   What if ( fill in the blank) happens?  Well, if it happens, it has first been sifted through the righteous right hand of your heavenly Father and since He is Redeemer, He will take that and use it for His glory and your good.  That's just how He is and He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. So it's all good. Whatever you walk through, He will not allow the flames to burn you or the waves to overcome you.  He will only give you what you can handle and His grace is enough. Period. The trials build your faith.  It is really kind of cool to be in a place where the only hope you have is if God gives you a miracle.  Surrender everything to the Lord and since He's faithful, it is not in His character to let you down! EVER!

We discussed apologizing to your kids and asking them to forgive you for your mistakes. You are not perfect and you will make mistakes everyday but by God's grace, your children will be fine.  Don't be proud with your kids. Let them see you humble yourself and admit you were wrong. It will endear them to you, trust me! God shows us grace and mercy and we should offer that mercy and grace to our kids.  They will then , in turn, offer it to you, when you mess up!

It is so important to relinquish control to the Lord.  Even though you may be with your child 24/7, you are in control of zilch. Our times are in God's hands.  All you can do is provide a godly home, unconditional love and pray about everything.  Your children will make mistakes and it is our job to help them get back up under the umbrella of protection by making things right with God and with you.   Provide a loving atmosphere to receive the Prodigal , over and over. Isn't that what God does with us?  There is nothing that we could ever do to separate us from the love of God and our kids need to know that we will love them no matter what they do. We love them because of who they are, not because of what they do or don't do.  This type of relationship lays a foundation for a great  relationship that they will want to preserve as they get older.

We touched a little on educating our children. Connie suggested beginning with the end in mind: at the end of your child's schooling, the question should not be "how much does he know?" it should be, "how much does he care?'

Connie brought several of her favorite books to share with us:
The Book of Virtues for Boys and Girls by Wiiliam J Bennett  I read this to mine, too!
 God's People Follow Him, Bible Nurture and Reader Series by Rod and Staff Publishers
The Educated Child by William J Bennett
"You Can't Make Me" by Cynthia Tobias  (for the strong willed child)

This was our last lesson on parenting, but if some issues or questions come up this week, write them down and we will talk about it next week.  The 16th and the 23rd of April are going to be on marriage. The 30th of April will be a brunch to wrap up our time together.  Write down any questions you may have about marriage and you can turn them in anonymously and we will discuss!

Love to all! Have a great week! JoAnne

Words of wisdom from Tammy Hodges

Yesterday was an awesome day in small group! It is so good to see everyone each week and to see Tarayn, Laura Gail and Aimee growing and glowing!

We had such a special time with Tammy Hodges yesterday.  All of you had so many good questions for her on marriage and parenting.  Tammy shared many of her secrets for success in marriage and parenting but so much of her success has to be attributed to her precious relationship with the Lord.   Tammy's strong faith in the Lord has always been her anchor.

All of you had some really good questions for Tammy and she shared several points that are key in their family.   Family starts with marriage and the main priority of the family is for it to be marriage-centered and not child-centered.  While this may sound selfish at the outset, it is truly the best way to give your children the security they so desperately need. It also prevents them from believing they are entitled to everything as adults. Tammy encouraged us to make a date night with your husband a priority .  When your children are young, you really need that time to reconnect to your spouse at the end of the week and your husband needs to know that you respect him and appreciate him.

Tammy shared that she and Chris have done a combination of homeschool, private Christian school and public school.  I know that a lot of you want your answers now and you want to know what the future holds, but as Tammy said, you have to rely on God to lead the way for each child individually.  And, it may change from year to year because the children and their needs change. God will guide you and you must seek Him and keep your spiritual ears open for His direction concerning each step of the way.

We talked a lot about discipline.  This is another area where you need to seek God . What works for your oldest may not work for your youngest or your middle child.   We all agreed that whatever method of discipline you use, you must be consistent and the discipline must sting them .  It cannot be pain-free.  We all learn the most effectively from painful experiences.  Our goal becomes to avoid the actions that brought on the pain!

The truth of the matter of parenting is that God loves our children more than we do and when we, as parents, fall short and make mistakes, God's amazing, endless grace will take over and make all the crooked paths straight.  God knows your hearts ladies and He knows that you want to raise your children to be Kingdom movers and shakers and He is personally committed to seeing that happen.  The very best parenting book on the market is the one you already have...The Bible!  All the guidance you will ever need for life is found on those pages.

I pray that you will experience miracles all week long and enjoy precious times in God's presence this Easter week.

JoAnne

Reclaiming the Family Dinner Table with Paula Deen's editor Alyce Head!

Hey friends! It has been a couple of weeks since I have blogged. I had surgery to put in two pins to fix my wrist on March 15th and I have finally learned how to type in a cast! The surgery went well but I covet your prayers for healing . I stay in the cast for eight more weeks and then more surgery to remove the pins . Then three-four months of physical therapy.

Last week, our group was so blessed to host the one, the only and my hero, Alyce Head.  Anyone who knows Alyce knows that when God was giving out gifts, she was in the very front of the line! She paints, she cooks, she sews. She is also working for Paula Deen's magazine.  She loves the Lord with such passion and she uses her creative gifts and energy to encourage women to make their home a place of blessing to all who dwell there.

Our main topic was the importance of the family dinner table in today's rushed and hurried world.
Alyce shared lots of statistics with us concerning the importance of healthy communication at the family dinner table.  Children who don't have a safe and secure place to share their hearts are much more likely to commit suicide, have a child outside of marriage, have eating disorders and have problems with drug and alcohol abuse.  Regular family meal times produce emotionally healthy children, better communication skills, higher self-esteem and better performance in school work.  They also learn some wonderful etiquette and table manners!

Alyce reminded us that the most important thing was getting everyone together.Do not stress over the meals or you will fail at developing this tradition. The meals do not have to be new every week or elegant.  She suggested that we set a regular menu such as taco bar night, pizzas, hamburgers, soup and sandwiches, breakfast for dinner and pasta.  Keep the pantry stocked and know ahead of time what will be for dinner that night. If you have a ball game, then pack sandwiches and have a meal together at the ballpark!  This is also SO much healthier!

As we have talked about before, we are really in a fight against the modern culture.  Society no longer values the  traditional family.  If America is going to survive as a nation, families have to survive.  If the enemy of our souls can get us convinced that we don't have time to sit down once a day with each other, we are going to lose the battle. Our children need to know that the world and it's values may be spinning out of control, but mama and daddy will be at the table at dinnertime and there will be a good supper, good conversation and lots of life-giving encouragement. Giving your children this kind of stability is a gift and a legacy.


There are also many games that can be played at the table.  Scripture cards can be placed there and memorized. Prayer can be caught and taught at the table.  Discipleship will take place as you discuss what happens each day.

My challenge for today: What does your dinnertime look like? What can you do to improve it and make it a blessing to your family?

God’s vision for your family

We talked a lot about our vision for our family and even the vision that our parents or 

grandparents planted inside of us while we were growing up. What does God say about 

that vision? Make sure that in doing a personal assessment of the vision that it is not an 

inner vow, but a goal that you would like to set that provides freedom as well as security 

and not fear. 

Habakkuk 2:2-3 “And the Lord answered me and said, write the vision and engrave it so 

plainly upon tablets that everyone who passes may read as he hastens by. For the vision 

is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end; it will not deceive or disappoint. 

Though it tarry, wait for it, because it will surely come; it will not be late on its appointed 

day.” 

Seek the Lord in praise and prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to confirm or rebirth a new 

vision for your family. Remember that every family will end up somewhere, but only a few 

will end up somewhere on purpose. What if the anchor that held your family steady for 

100 generations began with your mission statement because of your earnest 

determination to provide a compass, a rudder and a telescope to help them stay the 

course? 

The child rearing years seem so tedious and frustrating at times, but remember how 

quickly our children leave to create their own families. It seems like just yesterday that I 

was at home with my parents under their love and care. I want to share a poem with you 

that has shaped my mothering and nurturing of my precious babies. 

Speak to us of Children 

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of 

Children." 

And he said: 

Your children are not your children. 

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. 

They come through you but not from you, 

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. 

You may give them your love but not your thoughts. 

For they have their own thoughts. 

You may house their bodies but not their souls, 

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not 

even in your dreams. 

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. 

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. 

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. 

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you 

with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. 

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; 

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is 

stable. 

by Kahlil Gibran 

God is the author of the bow and the arrow. We only need to ask for His guidance and 

wisdom to hold the little arrows for such a short time. Even in mid flight, His winds can 

blow on the arrow and will safely deliver it to the target He intended even if we fall short. 

We talked a lot about sibling revolution versus sibling rivalry and the huge importance of 

the sibling relationship mimicking the marital relationship. It is the very first relationship 

that children have outside the authoritative relationship of mother and father. Even if 

you do not have more than one child, it is important to also teach the love and care of 

siblings to them so that they may impart their wisdom to their children for future 

generations. 

I am so thankful for having a mission statement that our family can refer back to 

especially when the tide seems overwhelming and the water is rough. So many times 

lately in taking care of my own mother I have been able to throw off the things that I have 

felt I needed, and place her in a position of honor and reverence because of a mission 

statement that the Holy Spirit helped Jason and I author almost five years ago. I pray 

that all of you will find the still small voice guiding you now and always. 

The Alexander Family 

Mission, Vision, And Values 

Our Mission 

We are a family that desires to know and serve God by giving away to others each gift He 

has equipped us with; by raising our children in a family that is both a refuge from the 

world and an arrow into the world; by helping each member to develop the Fruits of the 

Spirit, potential and calling; by passing down our belief in God and family with 

leadership, discipleship, humility and integrity. We Finish Strong! 

Our Vision 

We will grow our family through a compassionate ministry by using the gifts and talents 

God has placed within each one of us to help others see the value of their own spirit 

through God’s eyes. 

Our Values 

We are called to: 

Leadership: We will be the hands and feet of Jesus giving all that we have for the 

fulfillment of The Great Commission by integrating excellence and stewardship. 

Discipleship: We will walk daily with Christ to strengthen our spirit so that we may 

overflow God’s love to each one God places in our path. 

Integrity: We will live our lives in front of the audience of heaven with an eternal 

perspective and our eyes on Jesus. 

Humility: We will maintain the strength of our family in a quiet confidence and 

contentment while being fully aware that the Holy Spirit lives and operates in each one 

of us. 

Family Verse: Ephesians 3:17-20 

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow 

down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, 

as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May 

you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you 

will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. NLT

Your Calling as a Mom!

Hey girls!  We started last Monday with the question, "is all well in your home?"  Maybe it is time to do a review of our job description!

2 Timothy 3:1-5 describes the days that we are living in right now.  We are fighting against those sins in our families.  Here's a scary thought: 85% of your child's character is developed between the ages of 0-5.

What's a mother to do? We need to realize that being a full-time wife and mother is a calling that requires a high level of commitment, the right perspective (think eternity) and a Biblical value system.  What calling could be more significant or more glorifying to God?  As an older mom, I have to say that I would do it all over again.  It has been the delight of my heart.

Every day, you are making a permanent difference in your children's lives.  As a mom, you:

Impart values
Stimulate creativity
Develop compassion
Modify weaknesses and
Nurture strengths

God wants to use your ministry to your family to influence the world for Christ.  Our little ones are disciples in our midst! You may be raising the next Chris Tomlin or Mother Theresa!

God commands us to minister to our children in the following verses...please look them up, highlight them and put them on a card to memorize!
Deut 4:9 and Deut 6:2-7
Ps 78:5-8
2 Tim 1:5 and 2 Tim 3:15

God just loves to see a family serving Him and bringing Him glory throughout the generations!  You are leaving a legacy and it is important to know what type of legacy you want to leave.  Make sure you are purposefully and intentionally leaving a godly legacy.  Don't be at the mercy of the culture and leave a legacy by default!

Remind yourself that you daily contribute to the cause of Christ through your children. You will touch few lives with more intensity than the children God has placed in your home!

Do you have a constructive , long range vision for your children? Where do you see your children/family in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? 40 years?  Next Monday, Connie is going to share in great detail concerning family vision.   Here are some ideas that will jump start your thinking towards vision!

Begin with what God values most!

1-Relationship with God and with others!

2-Character
Matt. 20:26-28
1 Sam 16:7
Luke 16:15
1 Pet 3:4
What are your goals for your children? Achievements for outward show (pleasing man) or developing his inner character (pleasing God)

3-Spend time with you children.  Quality time is a myth. Spend tons of time with them. Who gets the best of you? Is it your family? Be kinder to your children. Here is a quote I love from Wilfred Peterson :

"We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the heart-love, kindness, joy, understanding, sympathy, tolerance, forgiveness. We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the mind-ideas, dreams, purposes, ideals, principles, plans, inventions, projects, poetry.We give of ourselves when we give gifts of words-encouragement, inspiration, guidance."

Emerson said it well- "Rings and jewels are not gifts but apologies for gifts. The only true gift is a portion of thyself."

Here are a few suggestions for you:

Don't take your children for granted.
Listen to your child and consider his feelings and ideas.
Validate their feelings. Don't you like it when people validate yours?
Give them recognition and compliments that are age appropriate.  No empty praise, like, "you're a pretty little girl. "
Accept and love them unconditionally.  That is how God parents us.
Avoid at all costs, comparing them to other children.
Discipline them fairly and privately.
Play with them.
Forgive them and don't ever be too proud to ask for their forgiveness when you wrong them. They need to see that modeled.

I am not sure who said this but I like it:  "Hold a crown a couple of inches above their heads and encourage them to grow into it. "  Cast a vision for your child and help them move towards the goal.  If you don't set the vision, the world will certainly be glad to do it!

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you!  2 Cor. 13:14

Meet Rachel Stafford, the Hands Free Mama!

Yesterday, we had the awesome privilege of hearing from Rachel Stafford of the Hands Free Mama movement!  Just 18 months ago, while running,  Rachel had a breakthrough moment with God and realized that she was "doing it all"but it was costing her everything. Too many "good" things were coming her way and she had no time left to pursue the things that really mattered.  She had spread herself so thin and knew she was missing out on so much.  She cried out to God for help and He said to her, "if you let go of the distractions of life, I will let you experience joy, peace, and connection with me and with others every day. "  She listened to God and her life has never been the same.

She has started a revolution and after hearing her speak yesterday, I consider myself to be President of her fan club!!! Her passion is to help women take back their lives by letting go of the modern day distractions to focus on what really matters.  She challenged us to spend more time with God so that we can learn about ourselves and our purpose for being on the planet.  There are so many large (but good) distractions in life, such as volunteering in your church, your school and your community.  When asked to do a job, pray about it. See if you were specifically made to do that job, or is it for someone else? Don't be afraid to say "no." If you say "no",  the person asking will simply move to the next person on the list!  If you don't protect your time, who will?  Rachel asked us to answer this question for ourselves : " What must I do in my lifetime before I die? " Smart girl, she is. She is viewing the end from the beginning with her eyes on the prize.  Her answer to the question is to be a present mom and to use her God-given gifts to help people.

What is a present mom?  A present mom is a "hands free" mom. Put down the cell phone, put down the tv remote, close the laptop and make eye contact with your children and your spouse!  Be free of the compulsion to check all of your devices and updates! Turn off the notifications! Rachel speaks in elementary schools and it broke our hearts yesterday when she shared the stories of young children who felt so neglected because their parents preferred technology over them!!  Put away your "to-do" list, get on some old clothes, go outside with your children and play!  Think of your death bed.  Do you want your children to remember you as a good tweeter or facebooker or as a mom who shared her time and her life with you?

I apologize here if I am sounding a little harsh. I know a lot of you moms are so young and have grown up with technology but take it from an older mom.  I would give my right arm to be able to go back to the Cove, when my children were little and play outside with them.  Once those days are gone, you can't get them back.  You can tweet, facebook, blog, cook, sew, volunteer, read, etc when you are an empty nester.  I am looking at my nest being empty in 17 months and let's just say, that I am not doing too well. In fact, I am really struggling with it.

Rachel left us with a challenge. Here it is. Get a piece of paper. Write two columns.  On one side write "I am farthest from grasping what matters when...."  On the other side write "I am closest to grasping what matters when...."   I pray that this will be a day of revelation for you. Start today and make a little progress every day!   Rachel's blog can be found at www.handsfreemama.com  She has hundreds of entries with hundreds of suggestions for becoming "hands free." Read it today and start your journey!  Thank you Rachel, for being a light to thousands of mamas who want to pursue what really matters!

I pray today that your life will be as wonderful as it was in the mind of God when He created you.  Remember, you don't have to be perfect to be wonderful!

Every blessing and lots of love,
JoAnne



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