heavenly homes: The Empty Nest

heavenly homes: The Empty Nest: September 15, 2013 was the official date that we became empty nesters.  I expected to be in the bed with severe depression for at least a co...

The Empty Nest

September 15, 2013 was the official date that we became empty nesters.  I expected to be in the bed with severe depression for at least a couple of weeks and to need some pretty in-depth therapy for at least six months.  After all, being a stay-at-home mom to my five children was my life's calling for the last 26 years.  One day, out of the blue, you have no more children at home.  Just like that, my career of being a stay-at-home mom ended.  Kitty left for her YWAM program in New York and something strange happened....

 

 I started sleeping late.  I started giving all of my attention to my husband. I bought some dance lessons on Groupon.  I began to do some things that I wanted to do.  I reconnected with several old friends. I started noticing hundreds of things to be thankful for and counting my blessings.  As the days passed, I realized that I was more content and peaceful than I had expected to be.  Want to know why? Because the expression "empty nest" is not a term that is applicable to people whose hearts are full and my heart is full!  I have five children who love the Lord and who love me. There is no greater joy on the face of the earth than to know that your children are walking with the Lord.  I am not empty.  I am full of joy and peace and my heart is at rest. I would go so far as to say that I am rich. Rich in the things with eternal consequences.  The condition of my heart is not dependent on how many children I have under my roof.  How silly was I to buy into that?! I was sad most of last year because I was dreading the dreaded "empty nest."  I know God and I should have known better.

In Ecclesiastes, King Solomon writes about the futility of life.  He asks a lot of questions and repeats himself  a lot but in the end he makes it clear that the "things" of life are meaningless.  He encourages us to look for joy in the companionship of our mates, a cheerful disposition and a reverence for God.  Amen King Solomon, good preaching.

Eccl. 3:1 says: "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."This verse has given me so much comfort and hope in the different seasons in my life. The footnote in my Disciples Study Bible says:

        God has constructed His world so that different events come and go on schedule. The world God created has a well-balanced structure.  He holds everything together in His wise and omnipotent hand.

It is such a relief to know that my times are in God's hands.  God is good. He is faithful and I can trust Him. The book of Ecclesiastes does not offer the final light to a worthwhile life, but it does lead us to praise Jesus Christ all the more for bringing the final Light that gives supreme worth to life.  Both here on earth and in eternity.

So I'm good. Really good.  But if you are in a season of life that is very difficult for you and you are not good, I have some suggestions that I pray will help you:

1) Be gentle with yourself.  Sleep late.  Take a nap.  Put away your to-do list. Delegate responsibilities. Learn to say "no."

2) Breathe deeply.  Go ahead take about seven really deep, slow breaths.  It is good for you.

3) Take care of yourself.  Eat well and exercise. Drink lots of pure water.  Really simple to do.

4) Find a happy place to visit...your little heaven on earth.  Mine is Collier's Nursery here in Birmingham.  Go to your place and drink it all in.

5) Try something new.  I bought some French CD's so that I can be fluent when Rusty takes me to Paris someday!  What have you always wanted to do? Run a marathon? Paint like the masters? Learn to sew or knit? Go back to school? Grow a rose garden?The sky is the limit.

6) Dream and plan for the future.  Don't lose hope.

7) Surround yourself with positive life-giving friends who love you and who will pray for you and speak truth to you.

8) Give thanks.  This simple practice can change your life. Have you read Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts? Visit her blog at www.aholyexperience.com

9) Help someone else. Find a way each day to do something for someone else.  Something as simple as smiling holding the door for a stranger can make their day.

10) Count your blessings.

Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Contentment by Linda Dillow has had a very positive impact on me and all of my family and friends who have read it.  It is a great companion book for a difficult season.

Be at rest dear friends.  God has you in the palm of His hand.

I hope to share more frequently as the Lord leads me.  I welcome your comments and suggestions for future topics.

Blessings to you and yours,
JoAnne

"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

The True Love Waits Fallout

I DON’T WAIT ANYMORE.

Posted by gracefortheroad in The Mercy and tagged with follow Jesus, i don't wait anymore, love Jesus, purity ring, singleness, true love waits, waitingFebruary 3, 2012

When I was 16, I got a purity ring.

And when I was 25, I took it off.

I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.

“True Love Waits.” Waits.

What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?

*****

I had my reasons for deciding not to wear it anymore. Other people might have other reasons. It’s a graveyard of hearts, this place where single church girls crash into their late 20s and early 30s. Churches see the symptoms. They scramble to reach out to the ever-growing young adult singles crowd who feels alienated by family-oriented services.

But there’s something bigger behind it than that.

Much bigger.

There are a lot of girls out there who don’t know who God is anymore – the God of their youth group years just isn’t working out. Back then, that God said to wait for sex until they are married, until He brings the right man along for a husband. They signed a card and put it on the altar and pledged to wait.

And wait they did.

*****

And waited and waited and waited.

Some of them have prayed their whole lives for a husband, and he hasn’t shown up. They’ve heard the advice to “be the woman God made you to be, focus on that, and then the husband will come.” They’ve read “Lady in Waiting,” gotten super involved in church and honed their domestic skills.

And still they wait.

More than a decade ago, a youth leader handed them a photocopied poem in Sunday School written to them from “God” that said, “The reason you don’t have anyone yet is because you’re not fully satisfied in Me. You have to be satisfied with Me and then when you least expect it, I’ll bring you the person I meant for you.”

And the girls see it posted on their bulletin boards from time to time.

“You’re right, God,” they say. “We’re not satisfied in you yet. We will put you first and then you can bring us a husband in your timing.”

But many of them – if they’re honest – will tell you that time has passed, and it’s wrecking their view of God.

If this is who God’s supposed to be, then He’s tragically late.

So some decide to chuck “Lady in Waiting” out the window … and possibly their virginity with it. Church goes next. God might go next, too. If He doesn’t answer these prayers after they’ve held up their end of the bargain, why would He answer any others?

Whether it was the fault of the leaders, the fault of us girls, or both, a tragedy happened back then.

A lot of girls were sold on a deal and not on a Savior.

*****

I had that poem on my bulletin board all through high school – the one where “God” was telling me to fall in love with Him first and then I would be able to fall in love with a husband later.

Who wrote that poem anyway?

Pretty sure it wasn’t God.

When Jesus was here on the earth, the crowds would follow Him because they saw He gave good things. But that’s not what He wanted. He wanted their hearts for Himself. So He would turn to them and say things like, “If you don’t love Me so much that every other relationship in your life looks like hate by comparison, you can’t follow Me.” (Matthew 10:34-39, paraphrase)

That sounds a lot different from the poem.

Christ is the source of everything we need and the giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself.

What if we as girls had learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have.

If we had learned we don’t abstain from sex because we’re “waiting.” We abstain because we love Him.

If I’d had on my bulletin board, “Fall in love with Jesus.” That’s it. Bottom line. That’s everything you need to know, to work toward, to put your hope in.

If I’d learned who He is, what He wants, how to give Him everything, not “wait” so that one day I could give my everything to someone else.

If I’d learned that it’s not bad to pray for a husband, but that my greater prayer should be for Him to spend my life as He chooses for His glory.

If we as believers make that our message, things could be drastically different for a lot of girls wondering why the God they think they learned to follow doesn’t compute. It doesn’t necessarily stop the desire for a husband or end all feelings of loneliness, but it does show a God who provides, loves and gives infinite purpose even to our singleness rather than a God who categorically denies some who pray for husbands while seemingly giving freely to others.

It shows that while marriage is good, He is the greater goal.

*****

Don’t think I’ve done this perfectly.

I’d be deceiving you if you thought that. I’ve had relationships where I made major mistakes. I’ve gone through angst-ridden phases where I met with friends to plead together with God to bring us husbands. I’ve planned major life decisions around possibilities.

I lived like I was waiting for something.

And that’s why I slipped off my ring that day. It wasn’t that I wanted to sleep with people – I haven’t. It wasn’t a slap to True Love Waits, or to anyone who wears a purity ring – saving sex for marriage is good and is His design.

I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here.

I already have Him … and He is everything.

“Follow Christ for His own sake, if you follow Him at all.” – J.C. Ryle

Whew! What a summer! I am so glad for Fall and the routine it brings with it!  I am looking so forward to football, boots, orange leaves, fires in the fireplace, fairytale pumpkins and walks on chilly days!!!

I have had a couple of life-changing experiences lately that I wanted to share with you.  I have been reading a book series by Lynn Austin called Chronicles of the Kings.  It is five books based on the lives of King Ahaz,  King Hezekiah and his successor, Manasseh, his son.  I don't know about you, but whenever I spend any time in Chronicles or Kings, I am clueless.  One king is bad, the next one is good, the next one is evil, the next one follows God and so on.  Austin follows the scripture carefully as she weaves the fictional part of the story. She quotes pages and pages of scripture and all of the action happens chronologically. Isaiah and Micah share their prophecies with the Kings throughout the story.  I have always loved the book of Isaiah but never really knew where it fit in.  Now, it all makes sense and the Bible is more alive to me than ever before! The stories in the Bible are way more captivating than anything we could ever see on TV or at the movies.  If you love stories with romance, war, violence, and dysfunctional relationships, then the Bible is for you!!

I was talking with my dear friend, Doris, last week. She is my new best friend at Sav-A-Life.   She suggested that I get a Chronological Bible so that I could read the Bible in historical order.  All the details, all the discussion, all the Scripture, all the events in order as it happened!  So, I went to Amazon immediately and ordered a New Kings James Version Chronological Study Bible and a New Living Translation One Year Chronological Bible.  It is like reading the Bible with fresh eyes and it has been amazing! God is so good to us to reveal Himself to us in new ways.

My daughter-in-law, Ashley and my husband, Rusty are on book one of the series and they love it.  My daughter, Mary Margaret, has finished the series and we were talking about it the other day.  These books have had a dramatic impact on her walk with Lord.  I am so thankful for good Christian authors. If you liked the Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers, you will love Austin's books. It is very similar. Really, you will love Chronicles of the Kings, no matter what! A life lived for the Lord is just so sweet and such a joyful adventure.  To God be all the Glory!

"But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." Psalm 86:15

I pray that God will reveal Himself to you in new and exciting ways this week!

Everything You Need to Know about Parenting!

The Lord put some wonderful things on Connie's heart to share with the group today.  Connie has one of the most precious hearts of anyone I have ever known.  We are all so blessed to call her friend.

Connie began her talk today with a wonderful quote from Parenting Today's Adolescents by Dennis and Barbara Rainey: (one of the best books ever, you need it in your library!)

"Every child should be helped to understand that life is a dynamic relationship with God that overflows in love to other people-a love that the Holy Spirit uses to reconcile the lost to God. EVERYTHING else, as good or innocuous as it may be, is only a prop to facilitating this mission. "

Connie reminded us that we are on a mission as a parent.  Our children are our mission field. Even the angels must envy the job we have as parents-the stewardship of a child's soul. It is an amazing calling, indeed.

If we can provide a godly environment in our homes, then our children will have a better foundation to grow in wisdom and godliness even though the world around them is crumbling morally.  Connie suggested setting biblical goals for your children.  Some examples would be helping them memorize short verses of scripture or responding to them and to your circumstances with timely scripture.  You may want to help them memorize the books of the Bible. There is a song for that, I think. You may want to spend a season discussing the Fruits of the Spirit or the Sermon on the Mount or the Book of James.  Whatever goals you set, pray those goals over them and for them.  Your home should be a little mini seminary!

We also discussed our greatest fears concerning our children.  God did not bless your quiver so you could walk around crying and trembling. Fear , my dears, is from your enemy. Fear is evil because it shows that we don't trust God completely in that area.  Connie shared that she had to mentally imagine some of her worst fears coming true to be set free from fear. Look your fear in the face and place the cross of Christ in front of it and it will cease to have dominion over you.   What if ( fill in the blank) happens?  Well, if it happens, it has first been sifted through the righteous right hand of your heavenly Father and since He is Redeemer, He will take that and use it for His glory and your good.  That's just how He is and He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. So it's all good. Whatever you walk through, He will not allow the flames to burn you or the waves to overcome you.  He will only give you what you can handle and His grace is enough. Period. The trials build your faith.  It is really kind of cool to be in a place where the only hope you have is if God gives you a miracle.  Surrender everything to the Lord and since He's faithful, it is not in His character to let you down! EVER!

We discussed apologizing to your kids and asking them to forgive you for your mistakes. You are not perfect and you will make mistakes everyday but by God's grace, your children will be fine.  Don't be proud with your kids. Let them see you humble yourself and admit you were wrong. It will endear them to you, trust me! God shows us grace and mercy and we should offer that mercy and grace to our kids.  They will then , in turn, offer it to you, when you mess up!

It is so important to relinquish control to the Lord.  Even though you may be with your child 24/7, you are in control of zilch. Our times are in God's hands.  All you can do is provide a godly home, unconditional love and pray about everything.  Your children will make mistakes and it is our job to help them get back up under the umbrella of protection by making things right with God and with you.   Provide a loving atmosphere to receive the Prodigal , over and over. Isn't that what God does with us?  There is nothing that we could ever do to separate us from the love of God and our kids need to know that we will love them no matter what they do. We love them because of who they are, not because of what they do or don't do.  This type of relationship lays a foundation for a great  relationship that they will want to preserve as they get older.

We touched a little on educating our children. Connie suggested beginning with the end in mind: at the end of your child's schooling, the question should not be "how much does he know?" it should be, "how much does he care?'

Connie brought several of her favorite books to share with us:
The Book of Virtues for Boys and Girls by Wiiliam J Bennett  I read this to mine, too!
 God's People Follow Him, Bible Nurture and Reader Series by Rod and Staff Publishers
The Educated Child by William J Bennett
"You Can't Make Me" by Cynthia Tobias  (for the strong willed child)

This was our last lesson on parenting, but if some issues or questions come up this week, write them down and we will talk about it next week.  The 16th and the 23rd of April are going to be on marriage. The 30th of April will be a brunch to wrap up our time together.  Write down any questions you may have about marriage and you can turn them in anonymously and we will discuss!

Love to all! Have a great week! JoAnne

Words of wisdom from Tammy Hodges

Yesterday was an awesome day in small group! It is so good to see everyone each week and to see Tarayn, Laura Gail and Aimee growing and glowing!

We had such a special time with Tammy Hodges yesterday.  All of you had so many good questions for her on marriage and parenting.  Tammy shared many of her secrets for success in marriage and parenting but so much of her success has to be attributed to her precious relationship with the Lord.   Tammy's strong faith in the Lord has always been her anchor.

All of you had some really good questions for Tammy and she shared several points that are key in their family.   Family starts with marriage and the main priority of the family is for it to be marriage-centered and not child-centered.  While this may sound selfish at the outset, it is truly the best way to give your children the security they so desperately need. It also prevents them from believing they are entitled to everything as adults. Tammy encouraged us to make a date night with your husband a priority .  When your children are young, you really need that time to reconnect to your spouse at the end of the week and your husband needs to know that you respect him and appreciate him.

Tammy shared that she and Chris have done a combination of homeschool, private Christian school and public school.  I know that a lot of you want your answers now and you want to know what the future holds, but as Tammy said, you have to rely on God to lead the way for each child individually.  And, it may change from year to year because the children and their needs change. God will guide you and you must seek Him and keep your spiritual ears open for His direction concerning each step of the way.

We talked a lot about discipline.  This is another area where you need to seek God . What works for your oldest may not work for your youngest or your middle child.   We all agreed that whatever method of discipline you use, you must be consistent and the discipline must sting them .  It cannot be pain-free.  We all learn the most effectively from painful experiences.  Our goal becomes to avoid the actions that brought on the pain!

The truth of the matter of parenting is that God loves our children more than we do and when we, as parents, fall short and make mistakes, God's amazing, endless grace will take over and make all the crooked paths straight.  God knows your hearts ladies and He knows that you want to raise your children to be Kingdom movers and shakers and He is personally committed to seeing that happen.  The very best parenting book on the market is the one you already have...The Bible!  All the guidance you will ever need for life is found on those pages.

I pray that you will experience miracles all week long and enjoy precious times in God's presence this Easter week.

JoAnne

Reclaiming the Family Dinner Table with Paula Deen's editor Alyce Head!

Hey friends! It has been a couple of weeks since I have blogged. I had surgery to put in two pins to fix my wrist on March 15th and I have finally learned how to type in a cast! The surgery went well but I covet your prayers for healing . I stay in the cast for eight more weeks and then more surgery to remove the pins . Then three-four months of physical therapy.

Last week, our group was so blessed to host the one, the only and my hero, Alyce Head.  Anyone who knows Alyce knows that when God was giving out gifts, she was in the very front of the line! She paints, she cooks, she sews. She is also working for Paula Deen's magazine.  She loves the Lord with such passion and she uses her creative gifts and energy to encourage women to make their home a place of blessing to all who dwell there.

Our main topic was the importance of the family dinner table in today's rushed and hurried world.
Alyce shared lots of statistics with us concerning the importance of healthy communication at the family dinner table.  Children who don't have a safe and secure place to share their hearts are much more likely to commit suicide, have a child outside of marriage, have eating disorders and have problems with drug and alcohol abuse.  Regular family meal times produce emotionally healthy children, better communication skills, higher self-esteem and better performance in school work.  They also learn some wonderful etiquette and table manners!

Alyce reminded us that the most important thing was getting everyone together.Do not stress over the meals or you will fail at developing this tradition. The meals do not have to be new every week or elegant.  She suggested that we set a regular menu such as taco bar night, pizzas, hamburgers, soup and sandwiches, breakfast for dinner and pasta.  Keep the pantry stocked and know ahead of time what will be for dinner that night. If you have a ball game, then pack sandwiches and have a meal together at the ballpark!  This is also SO much healthier!

As we have talked about before, we are really in a fight against the modern culture.  Society no longer values the  traditional family.  If America is going to survive as a nation, families have to survive.  If the enemy of our souls can get us convinced that we don't have time to sit down once a day with each other, we are going to lose the battle. Our children need to know that the world and it's values may be spinning out of control, but mama and daddy will be at the table at dinnertime and there will be a good supper, good conversation and lots of life-giving encouragement. Giving your children this kind of stability is a gift and a legacy.


There are also many games that can be played at the table.  Scripture cards can be placed there and memorized. Prayer can be caught and taught at the table.  Discipleship will take place as you discuss what happens each day.

My challenge for today: What does your dinnertime look like? What can you do to improve it and make it a blessing to your family?